So here we go…
In my MANY travels to MANY places, I come across some interesting things and even MORE interesting PEOPLE to say tha' very least !! Lemme' tell ya'll that these very people NEVER cease to amaze me !!
Continuing on with tha' theme of "realization", I have to say that my black ass realized some things recently !! Fellas need to pay especially close attention to this one…
**MAKE SURE a female is actually PREGNANT before you affectionately rub her belly !! ** ( or ask her when tha' baby is due !! )
There were these 3 females walkin' around together at this "social event"…
I'm a "social butterfly", so I'll speak to just about anyone in a friendly tone until they cross a line or two…well these three females ( notice how I won't call them ladies or women ) crossed ALL KINDS of boundary lines before tha' first word was even spoken !!
FIRST of all…lil' "belly shirts" ain't for everybody !! Half-tops, tank-tops, tube-tops...they are to be worn with DISCRETION !! They don't HOLD BACK, HIDE or RESTRAIN things ( like say, ummm...a lotta' boobage ) and they CERTAINLY don't flatter those things that SHOULD be COVERED UP ( such as a BUDDA BELLY, JELLY BELLY or S.P.A.M. - Stretched & Pulled Anatomical Mess ) !!
Someone didn't tell these three...lookin' like they were 6-months pregnant !!
SECOND of all…ya'll know those lil' tight-ass gym shorts ?? Okay...they're meant for tha' GYM...not out in a CLUB !! Wearin' your gray terry-cloth-lookin' shorts and rollin' them up to your ass-crack is NOT cute...is NOT sexy...is NOT a statement of classy feminine individualism in ANY dimension of time or space !! Those shorts made their asses look like they were suffocatin' in a funky, hairy mess !! Yes I said "funky" and "hairy" ‘cause I could tell that they were BOTH !!
NO I didn't have to get a "close-up" either...I'm already AT ass-level remember !! When you learn about things, you just know OTHER things too !!
THIRDLY…dressin' "trashy" usually makes it easier to BEHAVE as such !! If you don't care how you LOOK, chances are that you won't give a damn about how you ACT !! While this isn't ALWAYS tha' case, if you give me 5 people that LOOK like stir-fried shit, I'll end up flushin' 4 of 'em !!
That's just tha' way it is folks !! Don't give me all that Charlie Brown blah, blah blah about how different you are...humans are creatures of habit !! Things go in cycles and it's just that simple !! It takes a whole lot to break a pattern…some of us make a habit outta' breakin' patterns, which in itself IS a pattern !! But Sug's Psychology Class doesn't start today, so we won't go there...hee hee !! My POINT is that these 3 females followed a pattern that was established through their choices in attire...hence tha' REST of tha' drama surroundin' them on this night !!
FOURTH...if someone doesn't INVITE you into their "personal space", it's probably best that you DON'T INVADE their personal space…someone forgot to tell these three monstrosities about that shit too !! One by one, they'd come up, do tha' "HI...I'm..." introduction thingy and instead of just wavin' or shakin' my hand, they tried to come in for an immediate plant of tha’ ass in my lap, then a hug !!
Now I'm an affectionately friendly kinda' person, but when someone is all sweaty and surrounded by a cloud of body funk, they ain't gettin' anywhere CLOSE to me without gettin' their feelings ( and possibly their physcial being ) hurt !!
They'd lean in with arms open and I'd be like "HEYYYYYY...my shirt ain't THAT absorbant, Pippy Funkstocking !!" ( with a smile of course ) and USUALLY that'd stop tha' whole "sit and hug Sug" process...tha' first FEW times !!
Mind ya'll...I didn't even know these "three lil' pigs" !!
So after seein' two of them gyrate, grope and fondle each other and random guys on tha' dance floor, then each other again, tha' third one comes over and stands beside me...I notice this bulge in her belly and proceed to rub it ( still smilin' ) lovingly, askin' when tha' baby was due…she looks at me and winks...then puts her arm around me as if to put my ear to her stomach so I can possibly "connect" with tha' "baby"…
What can I say...I'm a sucka' for kids, born or unborn ( and I don’t mean that retarded-ass movie either ) !!
Anyway, I notice that her belly ( now pressed against my ear ) was just a bit TOO soft to be pregnant...then I "realize" that she's tryin' to dance with me as I'm bein' held against her like some 3-yr old that's still bein' breast-fed !! ( Use your imaginations on that one ‘cause no details are necessary !!! )
So now I pull away and roll away quickly because I felt violated, molested and infested by this female that looked pregnant !! Anotha' friend of mine, Susan, knows this female...I saw them give each other hugs earlier in tha' night and they were chattin' it up quite a bit after I made my hasty retreat to "my personal space" !! Eventually she works her way over to me and asks me what I think of what's her name...I gave her my best facepalm…
I then look across tha' way and see ol' "Funk Beast" starin' over at us, which told me that she sent Amy over to find out what I thought of her...so I did what I do best...I let her know that her chances were none to DEFINITELY NOT EVER with a motion of my hand to my throat in a slicing motion !! She then lifted up her drink ( it appeared to be a Long Island Ice Tea ) and rolled her eyes...hee hee !!
It was right here that I had my "realization" moment !!
Lookin' at Susan, I was like, "WHY is she drinkin' when she's pregnant ??"
Amy looked at me kinda' weird at first, then got this "dazed and confused" expression on her face...to which I said, "That's your friend right ?? She IS pregnant...RIGHT ??"
Susan slowly shook her head "no"…
* PZZZT !! *
My light-bulb flickered on suddenly !!
SHOCK was my initial feeling...however as tha' night went on and I would see these three wildebeasts suck every tongue, grab every crotch and get felt-up by every horny ( an obviously DRUNK ) person in tha' place, male AND female alike, my "shock" became "realization"…
Realization of tha' fact that "shit" is always gonna' BE shit, no matter WHERE or WHEN you come across it…just don't let any get ON ya' and DON'T STEP IN IT !! If you SMELL IT before you SEE IT, there's some "shit" in your circumference !! Break out tha' "pooper scooper", some disinfectant and clear a path !!
And laugh already !!
Class Dismissed !!
Sugar Ray D.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 1998-2009 "I Got JOKES"...Dr. Sugar Ray/Sugar Ray D.
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