Just Give ‘Em A Random Pop-Tart
Givin’ a random pop-tart doesn’t mean whatcha’ think it means…ya’ll should know by now that I don’t follow many rules…lol
Givin’ a “random pop-tart” means thatcha’ pimp-slap/smack somebody without warning…and simply smile afterwards, with no explanation as to “why”…then walk away like nothin’ ever happened !!
A random pop-tart…an “R.P.T.” !!
:::: battin’ my eyelashes atcha’ ::::
Now that I’ve cleared THAT up, I’m givin’ out a few R.P.T.’s today…startin’ with tha’ DUMB ASSES who put together this new cast for Dancing With The Stars”… !! THAT’S RIGHT…ya’ll get a **POP-TART** from my black ass…NO, I don’t watch your show, yet I have to hear about this shit over and over and over again from folks who DO watch it…and if THAT wasn’t bad ENOUGH, I have to hear ‘bout this bullshit on my ESPN shows now, for whatever reason they can use to justify “reportin’” on it… ( By tha’ way, ESPN…ya’ll get a **POP-TART** too for reportin’ on this non-sportin’ shit, fo’ fuck sake !! )
:::: rollin’ my eyes ::::
Lawrence Taylor, Lil’ Kim and Steve-O are gonna’ be on tha’ new “Dancing With The Stars”…
:::: blank stare ::::
I have some SOUND advice for tha’ folks runnin’ that show…
( Regardin’ Lawrence ) Hide all tha’ cocaine…marijuana…muscle relaxants, pain killers, Benadryl and any other drug that can be swallowed, sniffed, injected or huffed…ya’ don’t want your entire viewing audience to see this fool overdose on stage ( “ig’nant nigga shit” ) durin’ a taping !!
**POP-TART**
( Regardin’ Lil’ Ho…I mean Kim ) Don’t leave anybody in tha’ room alone with Lil’ Kim for longer than 2 minutes, otherwise she’ll be naked and tryin’ to fuck ‘em…or lick ‘em…or have them lickin’ her…she’ll be molestin’ ‘em in SOME way, shape or form !!
**POP-TART**
( Regardin’ DUMB-ass from JACKass ) Hide all your ladders, stages, ironing boards, washing machines…ANY appliance thatcha’ DON’T want to end up bein’ demolished on “Jackass” !! Also, I STRONGLY SUGGEST thatcha’ stipulate in his contract that he must REMAIN FULLY CLOTHED AT ALL TIMES !! You’re on durin’ “family time” and ya’ don’t want anybody to be scarred for life !!
**POP-TARRRTTT**
Next…
Tiger Woods…**congrats** on your new baby boy, Mr. I’m Da’ Baddest Golfer On Planet Earth !! I wish your family all tha’ peace, health and happiness thatcha’ deserve…however, you get a **POP-TART** for namin’ that poor child Charlie Axel…
AXEL ??!! Were you still anesthetized when you came up with that shit ?? AXEL…Tiger ??
:::: shakin’ my head ::::
Ya’ know what Tiger ?? I believe you…I truly and honestly believe you now…yo’ ass definitely isn’t a NEGROID, that’s fo’ sure !! You’ve publicly and repeatedly denounced your African American heritage and if there was ANY doubt that you hate black people, than THIS lil’ nigga’ named Axel should put all that to rest !!
**POP-TART** to his lil’ bad ass…before he becomes a bad ass lil’ Bebe’s Kid !!
:::: BIGGGG dimpled smile ::::
My NEXT one goes to AEP…American Electric Power company…
My power went out at 5:30 this mornin’…while I was KNOCKED OUT asleep and ENJOYIN’ a rather WET, NASTY DREAM involvin’ an extremely dangerously-curved woman with pretty eyes and a high sex-drive !! Oh…you’re probably wonderin’ how I knew my power was out if I was enthralled in this torrid, lust-filled dream ?? Well, since I have an alternating air-mattress on my bed, a power outage would take me from “comfortable” to “HIGHLY UN-comfortable” in a matter of seconds…
Do you know what happens in a dream when your physical being goes from “comfortable” to “UN-comfortable”, huh ?? HUH ?? Let’s just say that I went from sweaty LUST to sweaty FEAR in .69 seconds ( all you’re gonna’ get about THAT )…and I woke up to a loud, beeping sound comin’ from tha’ air generator on my bed ( indicating power failure and decompression of my air mattress ) !! Do you know what’s UNDER a comfortable air mattress on a mechanical bed ?? A hard ass FRAME…METAL frame… !!
Ya’ know what happens to a warm room durin’ a power outage ?? Tha’ muh’fucka gets COLD…FAST…in FEBRUARY !! Ya’ know what happens to 20-plus aquariums and bowls in a…oh wait…20 plus TROPICAL aquariums and bowls…as in fish that need to live in water that’s over 70 degrees continuously ??Know what happens ?? Tha’ temperature DROPS…BELOW 70 degrees !! Wanna’ know what happens when there’s a fuckin’ power outage for almost 3 hours at 5:30 in tha’ dayummm mornin’ ?!! TROPICAL AQUARIUMS suddenly become REFRIDGERATED AQUARIUMS !! I could’ve had SUSHI for breakfast, thanks to muh’fuckin’ A.E.P…American Electric Power…Appalachian Power-A division of American Electric Power !!
Lemme’ ask ya’ll NIMRODS at A.E.P. somethin’: when you gave yourselves RAISES, was that because you updated and improved your service ?? Or was it because one of you had an epiphany of sorts and suggested tha’ idea, thereby justifyin’ givin’ yourselves a raise, ‘cause I personally think that ( take notes…this is a doozy )…
:::: looks over my shoulder ::::
( whispers ) MOST MUH’FUCKAS DON’T GET RAISES UNTIL THEY ACTUALLY DO SOMETHIN’ FIRST !!
**POP-TART** **POP-TART** **POP-TART** **POP-TART**
**POP fuckin’ TART** !!
And last one of tha’ day ( gotta’ love how my week is startin’ so far )…
There’s this lil’ place right up tha’ road from my house that HAD tha’ best French fries in town…a lil’ place called “The Cavalier”…
A lotta’ you readin’ this know exactly where I’m talkin’ about….everybody else, just picture a place that you consider to be your go-to place for your favorite fast food…NOW imagine findin’ out that place cooked ROAD KILL and called it “food” !! That’s about where I’m at with “The Cavalier” !!
Why ??
I’m GLAD YOU ASKED…see, what had happened was…
Stephanie and I ( Hi Baby Girl !! ) went to have lunch there…we both loved their fries and burgers and such…we were lookin’ forward to this all week !! We got there and right from tha’ start, this was a DOOMED EXCURSION !! Tha’ waitress of this hole-in-tha’-wall was so rude that she stepped OVER me AS I was backin’ up to get outta’ her way, in what proved to be a pathway of death for me ( and anybody else in a wheelchair ) !! Even though I wasn’t in tha’ wrong, I offered an “I’m sorry…excuse me hun” to her, just in case she may have thought that I was tryin’ to act like I was entitled to take up all that space in her tiny lil’ pathway to tha’ world or somethin’…I didn’t want to give her any reason to possibly complain or use me as an excuse to not be at her best, ya’ know…I was thinkin’ ahead and tryin’ to make things easier for her…
What did this “steppin’-over-a brotha’” waitress do in return ??
“I’m COMIN’ back THROUGH here, just to let YOU know !!” was what she snapped at me after I excused myself outta’ her way…
:::: raised eyebrow ::::
With God’s help, I held my tongue… ( He’s tha’ ONLY reason I didn’t proceed to verbally assault this rude ass trallop with a ugly, wrinkled-vagina face, ol’ human Shar-Pei !! ) Stephanie was with me, this place was crowded ( and SMALL ) and we were both very hungry, so I kept my mouth shut ( for once ) handin’ Stephanie my card to go up to tha’ counter and order our food while I tried to figure out if we were goin’ to take it back to my house or try to find a spot in there to sit and eat…all while backin’ my chair into a corner area outta’ everybody’s way ‘cause this place WAS NOT WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE…plus I don’t like bein’ in anyone’s way…
:::: blank stare ::::
So Steph goes to tha’ counter and there’s a crazy-lookin’ old guy with an apron on takin’ food orders and also cookin’…go figure !! She orders our food ( it was a lotta’ food ‘cause I was starvin’ ) and tha’ guy tells her that it’d be however long and yells back to whoever was cookin’ ( or sent it back on an order slip…I can’t remember ) !! THEN when he told her how much, she gave him tha’ card that I gave her to use…
He looked at tha’ card, looked at ME, looked at HER, looked BACK at me, then BACK at HER and says, “We don’t take no plastic here !!” and throws my card back at her…
**PERK**
They’ve taken my card there before…they’ve taken other cards from other people there before…there were no signs posted anywhere about NOT takin’ plastic !! In fact, I saw one ( as we left ) that showed they took Visa, MasterCard AND American Express…then it dawned on me…not you Stephanie DAWN…I mean tha’ reason WHY they were so rude and ugly: they don’t accept plastic in there…when it’s a Caucasian woman with an African American man…or in The Cavalier’s eyes, a “nigger”…
**POP-TART** **POP-TART** **POP-TART** **POP-TART** **POP-TART** **POP-TART** **POP-TART** **POP-TART** **POP-TART** **POP-TART**
I give The Cavalier 10 R.P.T.’s…’cause in 10 days, I’m filing an official notice…downtown…
See, in THIS day and age, ( I SO love my wheelchair right now ) every place of business HAS TO BE WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE !! Their BATHROOMS have to be accessible…entrances and exits have to be accessible…tha’ whole nine !! If they’re NOT, then guess what ??!!
Stayin’ OPEN FOR BUSINESS suddenly becomes an EPIC FAIL…I’m givin’ ‘em 10 days to let ME know one way or tha’ other, what they’re gonna’ do !! And since they’ve already shown me THEIR “hand” about what they think of people like ME ( “niggers” ) AND what they think of women such as Stephanie ( who was WITH a “nigger” in their minds ), I think it’s time for me to go ahead and show ‘em just who they’re fuckin’ with…
…an N.W.A. !! ( look it up if you don’t already know what that is !! )
Like I said…The Cavalier HAD tha’ best fries in town…now they’ll just be known for havin’ a **POP-TART** instead !! Ya’ll wanna’ mistreat folks as ya’ cook up roaches and rats to take their money ?? Then get it outta’ yo’ own asses ( from now on )…I’m takin’ yo’ bank stash !!
:::: BIG DIMPLED SMILE ::::
Eh fuck ‘em…I’ll keep ya’ll informed…enough ‘bout ME…
Who do YOU wanna’ give a R.P.T. ( Random **POP-TART** ) to ?? Let a cute, dimpled brotha’ know…maybe I can help…
**POP-TARRRTTT**
Class Dismissed !!
Sugar Ray D.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 1998-2009 "I Got JOKES"...Dr. Sugar Ray/Sugar Ray D.
