If I Was A "Dog"...

I’m a good man…a damn good man !! And a good man wants a good woman…that’s just tha’ way of things…how we were created to be !! HOWEVER SOME good men are startin’ to have a change of heart because of tha’ lack of good women…or women period !! We keep comin’ across those “basic females” who seem to have gotten VERY GOOD at portrayin’ themselves as good women !!

We get tired of comin’ across “basic females”…
We get tired of exerting effort to resist temptations of becomin’ like our male counterparts, tha’ mere male…( aka “DOGS” as you females call ‘em !! )
We get tired of seemingly “tumblin’ down tha’ rabbit hole” of love and romance…
And fo’ fuck sake, we get tired of hearin’ how “all men are dogs” from tha’ very females that TURN good men INTO said “dogs”…

It almost seems that bein’ a good man just ain’t worth it anymore…notice I said “almost” !! Don’t get it twisted…while I have a MILLION reasons to just let myself to and succomb to temptation of revertin’ to “dog behavior”…I have even BETTER reasons for remainin’ “as is”…a good man…a VERY good man !!

My GOD...
My GRANDMOTHERS…
My MOTHER…
My SISTERS…
My DAUGHTERS…
My AUNTS…
My LADY FRIENDS…

And everyone else that has contributed to me bein’ tha’ “bomb diggity ass” muh’fucka that I am today !!

Even though I’M not gonna’ make that decision to transform into a “dog” of a man, I can’t lie…I’ve THOUGHT about it !! I have considered it…at GREAT LENGTH…and so I’ve decided to use my contemplations as a source for comedy… ( as I do with every other aspect of my life )

Now “10 Rules Of A Dog (Of A Man)” is merely my thought process…with a whole lotta’ sarcasm…aka Sugar Rayism !! Enjoy…

What would be my guidelines for women…IF I became a dog of a man ??

Hmmm…lemme’ see…

“10 Rules Of A DOG (Of A Man)”

1) If you’re in my face flirtin’, throwin’ tha’ ass to me/handin’ it to me or leadin’ me to think that you and I have a physical connection, then I don’t care if you’re married or otherwise previously involved…if that marriage/relationship was what it’s SUPPOSED to be, then you wouldn’t be “offerin’” anything to ME !! THEREFORE, in MY “mind’s eye”, if you’re ACTIN’ single, then you ARE single…let’s do this…

2) Don’t go into this thinkin’ that I’m gonna’ fall in love with yo’ ass…I may ENJOY you immensely, but love is outta’ tha’ question !! Fuck that…I want YOU…YOU want ME…we’re gonna’ have sex, that’s it !! Don’t fuck it up by puttin’ yo’ heart in a part of a part that spreads apart… ( Thanks Naughty By Nature !! )

3) WE made this choice ( sex ), so it’s up to US to take precautions…keep yo’ big mouf’ CLOSED and you might get some more of THIS !! But if you tell your girls ‘bout how many orgasms I gave you or how intense our sex is, then THEY’RE gonna’ want some too…and I’m probably gonna’ give it to ‘em !! Don’t get mad…I’m a free agent, remember ??!! Ain’t no ring on THIS finger and I don’t WANT one either…don’t try to put one on me !!

4) I don’t give a fuck about your husband/boyfriend…he ain’t HERE and apparently, HE ain’t doin’ whatcha’ want ME to do !! That’s on YOU…but don’t go thinkin’ that just ‘cause we’re fuckin’, I’m gonna’ “save” you from your “bad marriage” or “save” you from your “bad relationship”…you’re here to fuck, not have a revelation !! Go to a counselor or a priest for saving…I ain’t tha’ one…

5) WHAT I do and WHO I do it with is none of yo’ muh’fuckin’ bid’ness !! When you’re WITH me, yes it’s YOUR time…but when you’re NOT with me, it’s MY time…to spend with whoever I want, however I want and doin’ whatever I want…got it ??!! If you don’t like that, tough shit…put yo’ big girl panties on and deal with it !! If you want more of MY time, make sure tha’ sex is better than tha’ next female’s and maybe I’ll think about spendin’ more time with yo’ ass…otherwise, shut tha’ fuck up !!

6) You want me to meet your kids ?? YOUR KIDS ?? Oh HELL NAWW !! Get tha’ fuck outta’ here with that short yellow bus bullshit !! I don’t wanna’ meet yo’ damn kids !! Whatchu’ think this is, “Ready-Made Family: Just Add A Penis” ?? Why tha’ hell would I want to meet your damn kids ?? All I wanted to do was have sex with their mom ( YOU ) and enjoy it…now I don’t even wanna’ have sex with yo’ ass anymore ‘cause you’re tryin’ to go “next level” my black ass !! What makes you think thatcha’ kids wanna’ meet/know who’s fuckin’ their mom anyway ??

7) Don’t tell me what you’re feelin’ unless it pertains to what we’re doin’, physically !! And even THEN, it better not be anything to deal with “love” !! Sex and love are two separate entities…if YOU can’t separate ‘em, then YOU got tha’ problem…I’m not debatin’ shit with you about it !! Once you give up tha’ ass, my goals have been met…love AIN’T one of ‘em…save that shit for your husband/boyfriend…

8) You wanna’ do WHAT for tha’ holidays ?? That’s what your FAMILY is for…I ain’t your family, I’m your sex partner !! “WE” ain’t gonna’ DO any holidays…”WE” are gonna’ get sweaty and loud, have lots and lots of wild monkey sex, then tha’ “YOU” part of “WE” is gonna’ get tha’ fuck out and go do “holidays” with YOUR FAMILY !!

9) I always wanna’ have sex…just not always with YOU !! NO, we WON’T set up a “schedule” for our “sex meetings” !! If I have free time when YOU have “free” time, then we’ll make it “WE” time…but if I DON’T have “free” time when YOU have “free” time, don’t bring yo’ ass over here tryin’ to make is “SEE” time, as in tryin’ to “see” who’s over here or “see” what I’m doin’ or who I’m doin’ !! You’ll “see” my BAD side and you’ll “see” yo’ ass sittin’ on tha’ outside, lookin’ in…by yourself !!

10) OH…your hubby/boyfriend broke up with you ?? ‘Cause he found out about me ?? Awww…sucks to be you…get undressed so we can have an “intense session of frustration release”…then get yo’ ass dressed and leave !! NO you can’t stay here…NO I won’t hold and comfort you…NO I don’t care !! I told you from tha’ get-go, this was ONLY SEX and to check yo’ feelings AT THA’ DOOR !! Yo’ ass got careless and got caught…YOUR PROBLEM !! I got someone comin’ over in 15 minutes, so make it snappy…bend over !!

Yeah…I’m just SO bad !!

I’m such a dog…

I’m an asshole…

I’m selfish…

I’m this, that and tha’ other…

...and yet, yo’ ass is back over here !!

Why ?? For what reason are you here if I’m such a “dog” ??

Uh huh…get undressed and shut tha’ fuck up !! Tha’ only thing I wanna’ hear from you are moans and screams…and my door closin’ after you leave !!

Don’t call me…I’ll call you…maybe…

:::: flash back to reality ::::

NOW, like I said, that was a CONTEMPLATION with a whole lotta’ SARCASM ADDED !! In other words, it’s NOT REAL !! I DON’T LIVE THAT WAY…

…it was just comical to think about !!

:::: giggle ::::

Now MOVE outta' my way…I got more "birf'day beer" to drink…

Class Dismissed !!
Sugar Ray D.

** "Tali Boo-Boo"...I miss and love yooouuu !! R.I.P. **

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 1998-2012 "I Got JOKES"...Dr. Sugar Ray/Sugar Ray D.