I'd like to say, out loud, that I have a *SMACK* for a few folks today...
1) Sam Hurd NFL superstar wannabe...Mr. I'm A BIG BALLA', SHOT CALLA'...ummm, "el negro", who'd you think you were ?? Nino Brown from "New Jack City" ?? Gettin' paid millions from the Chicago Bears and you got caught tryin' to move HOW MUCH weight (drugs) per week ?? *SMACK*
2) PROSECUTORS of Barry Bonds...congratulations on spending MILLIONS of California taxpayer's money, just to find that fool guilty...of LYING !! I mean, it's not like we ALL didn't already KNOW he was on something, with his big ol' mutant FRANKENHEAD, but no, no, no...y'all had to spend MONEY, just to make sure that the public knew he was lying about gettin' shots of whatever in his ass... good job !! And can Californians write that off on their taxes ?? OH, one more thing for y'all.... *SMACK* !!
3) If you type on a keyboard or on a cell phone using words such as N E THING instead of "anything", then you get a *SMACK* ...TWICE !! How lazy are you anyway ?? SPELL IT OUT, ya' dumb ass...or do you prefer being part of the bottom 1/3 of society that will ultimately cause the world's end, due to stupidity and laziness ?? Uh huh... *SMACK* !!
4) I wanna' *SMACK* all the people out here wasting food by lettin' their kids get away with the "I don't like this" excuse, AFTER havin' already cooked an entire meal for 'em !! WE ate what was prepared and if we didn't like it, then we just didn't eat, period !! MY parents weren't havin' that shit when I was growing up, pointing out how many kids over the world didn't even have choices in what they ate, if they even had somethin' to eat...I know somebody with 4 kids and every day, they're makin' about 7 or 8 different DINNER MEALS because their brats "don't like " what was made...maaaannnnn, I wanna' choke the shit outta' those lil' fukkas sometimes, watchin' how they run their parents in circles, ruthlessly...THEN I stop and think that if the parents didn't LET it happen, there'd be no problem !! So to THEM and others LIKE them, here's a *SMACK* !!
A'ight...I'm done for now...but how about you ?? Anybody you wanna' give a sugarlicious *SMACK* to ??
*drops mic*
Friday, December 16, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
NOT In The Bedroom, Ladies...
8 Things Guys Do NOT Want You To Do In Bed
Written by me and some random female…
Written by me and some random female…
A few years ago, she made a big bedroom faux pas. I was hooking up with this girl—a friend/professional acquaintance—in my bedroom, giving me a little oral pleasure. I, uh, came to fruition in her mouth and as she was not yet advanced in the art of swallowing, she sat up immediately and spat the spunk right back on me. Needless to say, we never hooked up again—not that I wanted to.
The lesson she learned: swallow or don’t swallow, but seriously, pick one and stick to it because we don’t want you spitting out our manly fluids on or anywhere around us. After the jump, she then polled some fellas I know about what else they don’t want a woman to do during sex.
1. Cry: With the exception being “crying out in ecstasy,” nearly every dude is turned off by shedding tears pre-, mid-, or post-coitus.
2. Make Animal Noises: Specifically, said one dude, “Making mouse noises.” I’m trying to figure out what sound a mouse makes out of its tiny mouse mouth, but I guess no meeping or mewing. Anyway, basically all animals noises are a no-no, except for maybe a sexy “meow.” Definitely not an oink or a neigh.
3. Close The Back Door: OK, so yes, most dudes would like to stick it in your butt. If you don’t want to do anal, by all means, DON’T. I tried it once and it made her cry, which, I’ll remind you, we don’t like (see #1). Anyway, no, I’m not talking about anal sex here. I’m talking about anal play. As one guy put it, “Don’t stop me from licking your butthole.” Listen, ladies, if he is headed there on his own, he knows what he’s in for, and by all means, you should let him have at it. Let him toss your freaking salad already. You just might enjoy it. I'M not gonna' do that, so don't even think about it...
4. Break The Skin: “Nibbles are great, bites that leave a mark, no thanks.” Hickeys should be left in high school.
5. Dry Jobs: Cotton-mouthed blow jobs and lube-less hand-jobs “should never ever ever be on the menu,” !!
6. Don’t Ask, Just Do: A friend of mine gave me this piece of advice, which I’ll personally testify to: “Don’t make me ask for doggy,” he said. “Just roll over onto all fours and initiate it. You know it’s our favorite.” I’m sure a command wouldn’t hurt either—“f**k me from behind.” Oh, I just got a little tingle just typing that.
7. Call Him “Daddy”: He’s also not your brother, your uncle, or your pop-pop. Invoking a family member—“Oh, yes, Daddy!”—will ensure that you’ll never actually meet one in real life.
8. Slap Or Spank Without Permission: I was dating a girl with whom I had a sort of mellow dom/sub sexy-time rapport with and, though I enjoyed the spanking and dirty talking, I was caught way off guard when, out of the blue, mid-romp, she gave me a light slap in the face. Killed the mood. This goes double for us dudes, as it’s less socially acceptable for men to be the submissive ones—it’s even riskier getting rough with us without permission.
GET it ?? GOT it ?? GOOD...
Class Dismissed !!
Sugar Ray D.
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